Category Archives: Defined

Heteronormativity, Part II

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Hello again.

I have a story to tell you about my personal experiences with heteronormativity (as discussed in Part 1 here), as a fellow human, scholar, and also as a woman.

The first “big” story I ever wrote was heteronormative. I was in kindergarten, and the book was about 5 pages total, most of which consisted of really awesome drawings of dogs. The plot involved two dogs a the primary characters, a girl and boy dog, who end up falling in love with each other after the girl dog asks the boy dog “do you love me?” and then they attend a party together after she has been validated by his affections.

These are not my dogs- Bing search result from stock photo, although they are super adorable

I would go on to write many more stories like it, often in my head, with friends, or for school projects, which received a warm reception, but were variations on the same theme- boy pursues girl, they fall in love, and then they “live happily ever after.” Of course, they face different obstacles along the way, like a misunderstanding, a war, confusion as to intention, or a broken ankle, but they are basically all the same concept- love is important, and boys and girls like each other.

I have not written many storylines that involve boys liking boys, girls liking girls, or one gender liking two genders, no genders, or characters who do not have an identified gender. I feel like I had a pretty big learning curve when I started examining my own heteronormative privilege, and I still feel like I am learning all the time, (especially when I encounter scholarship like the type discussed in this post regarding Judith Halberstam and Chandan Reddy)

While considering how to draft this post, I was pretty conflicted about what to put in and leave out. Honestly, I was embarrassed to admit that I have studied gender, but that many the concepts I talk about now were new ideas to me even 3 years ago.

I am always growing and changing, and with the information I learn, I continue to re-asses the way I feel about my place in the world.

Why I’m heteronormative:

1). I’m attracted to men.

2). I totally go for the heteronormative love story, even though it’s often portrayed in a predictable way. Most movies I watch involve men and women falling in love. Here is a list of my favorite movies: BBC Jane Austen adaptations, Bridget Jones movies, Love Actually, The Holiday, Smoke Signals, and yeah, that basically sums up the list. Those films all portray heteronormative storylines.

Emma +Mr. Knightly

Sure, hetero relationships are the most widely available in media, and beyond my love of Glee, I have not really gotten attached to many LGBTQ characters on the screen. However, if you have any, I would love some recommendations.

3). My areas of study are heteronormative, despite being a gender scholar. My primary targets of interest have been the male gaze, the female gaze, the body as sexualized object (generally for authors of the opposite gender as the subjects they describe).

4).  I have wanted to join in the heteronormative party, and gain “cultural success” by being an active participant. In many ways, I tried to fulfill the predicable gender norm laid out for me because I thought it was fun, but also because I did not want to “fail.” (Please read my post linked above about Chandan Reddy and Judith Halberstam :)

Pink is my favorite color, and I have at one point or another totally bought into the cultural capital of “girl” identity that is propagated through magazines like Cosmo. I have in the past wished that I was a size 0, that I could pass out at a moment’s notice (because when I was younger, I thought that men wanted weak women as partners and that to be “dainty” was better), and I dreamt of wedding (with a dude) since I was a kid.

5) I have a strong desire to be a mother, which is something that continues to surprise me. One of my nicknames amongst close friends is even “mama bear.”

And yet not completely:

1). After working at weddings, I basically got sick of them. Beyond the wedding itself, I don’t know if I believe in marriage either. I can’t really see that it “works” to bind two people together by any means. With the divorce rate skyrocketing, and the commercial nature of weddings these days, marriage becomes less appealing to me every day. I know lots of couples who are happily married, but I know even more who are unhappily married. From what I can tell, there is no “happily ever after.”

I pulled this out of the facebook archives from 2004. I have no idea where I got this image from, but if you know the source, I would love to credit their brilliance. I do remember that it was Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice played out with Star Wars Action Figures.

Instead, in real love that I have witnessed, there is a work every day to assist the other person in the relationship with achieving their dreams, whether a wedding band is there or the union is legally recognized.

People in love, no matter what their gender or upbringing, feel confident to explore the world, feel comfortable loving themselves. Inspiring a person to be the best part of themselves and letting them inspire you as well, is the sign of a true union, not a legal or religious document that says you are bound to each other forever.

2). Even though I fall into some heteronormative stereotypes naturally, I still often feel conflicted with my own heteronormativity.

I sometimes resent that I enjoy domestic tasks such as cooking and serving others, because it is socially expected of me to do so as a woman.

I resent the fact that I am supposed to want to be in a relationship with a man, because it is considered so normative.

It might be easier for me to be a “heteronormativity hipster” of sorts, and just keep pointing out how tired that pattern of interaction is than it would be to let go and really fall in love.

This is the grumpy cat version of what I’m talking about. If you do not know about grumpy cat yet, please visit his website.

 

3). I refuse to accept the concept that my worth as a person is in any way dictated by fulfilling the heteronormative guidelines.

4). Many of the most interesting and inspiring relationships I have witnessed occur between people who are not participating in the heteronormative timeline. I am generally supportive of other peoples’ relationships, but I all too often see a total lack of respect between male and female heteronormative partners as the norm, unfortunately.

Perhaps this trend is partially due to the disillusionment that occurs as a result of the riding into the blissful sunset on a white stead “ideal,” and the perception of “failure” when that ideal is not fulfilled?

5). I’m not in a relationship, and not looking for one.

Examining heteronormative privilege as someone who is pretty straight can be daunting, but I still feel that it has helped me. Growing up, I often felt that the parts of my identity that fell outside of the heteronormative gender expectations were embarrassing, wrong, or just plain unattractive.  Since I began to study gender though, I have become self-conscious about being too heteronormative, too straight, too predictable and therefore boring. Wah Wah. (by the way, I don’t feel this way towards people who have chosen to marry because of love).

I’m finally learning to be proud of all of myself and find a happy medium, or at least attempting it, thanks in large part to my supportive and thoughtful friends (shout out to my proofreader :)

I took this at a friend’s house. It reminds me to be peaceful.

There is no shame in love, or being straight or gay or anything really. However, that does not change the fact that there are things I can do to make the lives of others easier by creating awareness about heteronormativity, which in my opinion, has been the norm for way too long.

I also still feel that it is vitally important to consider this (heteronormativity) topic at this time in our world’s history. If you want to, you can join me in this examination if so inclined.

How are you heteronormative? How do you fall outside the lines? Do you ever feel conflicted about your choices, either way?

P.S. I think that I will need to make a third installment. Although I do discuss Heteronormativity on Looking for Pemberley often, I think it deserves some major attention. As always, feel free to comment with thoughts, suggestions, and ideas.

Cheers,

Miss E

Examining Heteronormativity, Part 1

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As a scholar who studies gender, (and who focuses on feminism, queer theory, and masculinity studies specifically), I love to point out patterns of gender assumption, and examples of heteronormativity.

If you have hung out with me in recent years, or just read some of my blog posts, you have likely experienced a rant about something or other being heteronormative. If you are one of my academic friends, you may use this word on a regular basis.

If you have never heard of it in your life, you are not alone. Perhaps you have stumbled across my blog in a Google search, and have no idea what I am talking about.

This bulldog is not heteronormative, but he does love you.

What does heteronormative mean?

My explanation will be complicated, since it means a few things at one time, (which is also part of the reason that it is such a powerful word). Just so you are aware, this explanation is in no way exhaustive, and represents my personal understanding of the term.

1). It can mean the cultural assumptions that come with traditional views of gender, the practice of fulfilling those roles, and the praise of those who fulfill them successfully through their lifestyle choices. Unfortunately, it also means that people who do not participate are derided, left out, or discriminated against.

2).Hetero can also be thought of as the same root in “heterosexual.” Hetero in Latin means difference, like the perceived biological difference between men and women. This type of relationship is then “normalized.” Heteronormativity represents the traditional lifestyle choices of people in heterosexual interactions, the lifestyle/ timeline of relationship–>marriage–>procreation, and makes anything other than hetero “non normative,” or not standard.

3). A consequence of a heteronormative culture is that there are fewer types of representation of other ways of being, since heteronormativity is propagated and supported by the larger culture. It can also may ironically be considered a “homogenization” of culture, or attempting to make everything echo with sameness, which attempts to downplay, stigmatize, or destroy what is not average/ normative.

4). Heterosexual story lines are very familiar to us, especially when it comes to love, (because they are normative) and generally go like this: “boy meets girl. Boy courts/rescues girl. Boy and girl decide they are in love. They begin to have either a relationship, or have sex, or both. After a while, they get married. Then eventually, they have a child and raise it together in the same home. That child then grows up and marries a person of the opposite gender. Ta Da.

5). Other story lines are less familiar to us, such as story lines about love between people of the same gender, falling in love with someone who is trans-gender, or with someone who does not identify with any gender.

6). There are many people who are left out of the culturally normative story line, and not all of them are even part of the LGBTQ community. Any person who does not “achieve” a heteronormative lifestyle would be considered outside of the norm. For example, what about the person who chooses to stay single for life? If they are men, they may be stigmatized. If they are women, they will likely be bombarded by prejudice and questions about their choices, or seen as doing something “wrong.”

7). There are many other options and ways of failing to meet heteronormative ideals, and a very limited path to reaching normativity. What about people who can’t fall in love? What about people who get divorced, or who do not want children? What about the people who decide to have non-monogamous sexual relationships with each other, as opposed to monogamous ones, or people in open relationships? To find these stories, we have to look outside of “normative” culture, and seek out “alternative” media and story lines.

8). Heteronormativity is a part of patriarchy, but is not the same as patriarchy. Patriarchy makes “male-ness” normative, and female-ness non-normative. Perhaps patriarchy informs the heteronormative impetus in some ways, and if you have studied this relationship, please share your findings with us.

An important thing to remember about heteronormativity is that it is so engrained in our media, in our cultural systems, our music, and our stories, that it can be difficult to see it, unless you fall outside of the system.

People who are heteronormative are in a state of privilege, and like any other type of privilege, it is important to evaluate what might be overlooked as a result of this status. When you can see yourself represented in “mainstream” cultural productions, then you are privileged. I am not trying to guilt you heteronormative folks out there, by pointing out this privilege. I believe that it is really important to be aware of, and awareness can make you a more compassionate, well-rounded, intelligent, and socially conscientious person.

I am beginning to realize just how heteronormative many of my life choices have been, despite my research interests and my friendships with many LGBTQ people. More to come on my personal position within heteronormative culture in part two. For now, I just wanted to give you an introduction to the primary concepts surrounding “heteronormativity.”

Let’s have a conversation! I am not an expert in “heteronormativity” by any means. Please feel free to comment and add anything that you know about this word :)

All best,

Miss E

Definition of Hegemony

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Last Thursday I met with a brilliant new student. She is working on a paper for the novel 1984, and wanted to bounce ideas off of me. It was very fun, because she had so many wonderful ideas already. She was talking about George Orwell’s rejection of totalitarianism throughout the book, but had many questions she was just dying to explore the answers to. Unfortunately, she is only a junior in high school, and her paper is only supposed to be 3-4 pages. Working with her made me want to go back to graduate school though. It was so refreshing to have that type of conversation with someone so young, who has so many ideas and questions. She was also very excited to learn a new vocabulary word during our session- hegemony.

Photo Credit: netcharles.com (cited in the hyperlink above)

After she learned about hegemony and how she could use it while conceptualizing her paper, she smiled and said, “I like that word” before typing furiously for ten minutes on her computer. I was glad to know that learning a new word like that could help inspire her writing so much. It was a very cool moment. I know I have mentioned hegemony here before, but I am not sure it really gets used very often in regular conversations, so I have decided to define it for you as well.

Hegemony, as I understand it, means the oppression of others by a larger dominant, overarching (and widely accepted) force that creates a structure of sameness and difference. All societies have hegemony, and the tools to create what is deemed “normal” often belongs to the people/ entities in power. Hegemony can be both cultural and political, and its presence can be seen in books, movies, and society as a whole, since a small percentage of the population controls what movies are made, which books are published, and who wins elections.

One small group of people, usually the ones with the most money or political influence, can influence the way the society as a whole thinks and acts, even if they are perhaps acting against their best interests as individuals. Perhaps the easiest example of hegemony at work is in media portrayals of “average” people, ethnicities, places, politicians, love interests, gender identities, religions, music, rituals, and cultural practices.

Here is an interesting article that discusses hegemony’s role in relation to media theory which might interest you.

In our conversation, my student and I were discussing Orwell’s subversion of hegemony. Totalitarianism tries to enforce and reinforce a strict hegemonic culture from which to work from. Any variance must be destroyed so that people don’t question, don’t think, and certainly don’t make connections with each other independent of the state.

A very fun light from Spa Envy in Seattle- a group of people I have made individual connections with :)

In many ways, I like to consider this blog as a variance from hegemony. My interests include things that the hegemonic parts of Western culture accepts, like Jane Austen, but this blogging project also builds various connections with others based on individual interpretation and experiences. That, to me, does subvert hegemonic influence in many ways, and has been one of the primary benefits of the internet.

What do you think? If you have any more examples of hegemony in our modern times?

Happy Sunday,

Miss E

What is Queer Theory?

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Hello dear readers!

I have had a few questions recently about some of the terms that we use here often at Looking For Pemberley. Although many of the terms that I use range from academic to very informal, made-up words, there area  few that I think you should know about when you are reading posts here. I don’t want anyone to feel left out.

So, I’ve decided that I will start a “definitions” post series, so you can familiarize yourself with some potentially unfamiliar terms.

In the future, look under the “defined” category to find the posts in this vein.

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Let’s start with the term Queer Theory, as I have had a few questions about that.

For many people who grew up when the word “queer” was pejorative, this term may seem a little alarming. Really, queer is not a bad word.

Queer theory came out of gender studies, which derived from feminism, and is used as a lens or framework to view different media or texts, such as works of art or books, for example.

It is a type of theory that challenges binary constructions like “male” and ‘female,” but is not at all limited to gender. One of the reasons many people may be confused about what queer theory actually is, is because it has so many applications. Scholars and others often use the ideas from “queer theorists” such as Judith Butler and Jack Halberstam and Chandan Reddy (as mentioned previously here) to understand and question any given text, ideology, simplistic construction, or social situation.

Queer theory can be a very freeing tool, and remains politically important, because it also allows for personal identity to fluctuate, and resists definition of who we are as people, what makes us the way we are, and what we can or should prescribe to.

I myself am very interested in queer theory and studied it in school, so if you have questions about it, feel free to continue asking!

Also, if you have anything to add, please pitch in through the comment section or e-mail me from the “about” page! I would love to hear your personal definitions.

I also have some resources that I think will help you understand the purpose and goals of Queer Theory listed below that might help.

Queer Theory

Theory Org

Queer by Choice link database

GLBTQ

Have a great weekend!

Miss E